She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
