I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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