I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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