apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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