i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
