When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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