I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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