just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
