but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
its liver damage thursday
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
