I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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