who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
