The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
