My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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