You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
