if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
