I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
