New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
