Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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