Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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