I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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