Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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