I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
