Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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