I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
