guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
