you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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