So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
