where am i from again
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
