I puked a lego.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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