Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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