I heard we made out
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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