It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
