her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
