do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
