i was born a porn star she said
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
