is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
