We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
