naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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