so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
