using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
