physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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