you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
