sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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