i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
