Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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