He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
