I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Blood and glitter go together right?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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