I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
