If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
