did you get engaged???
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
