okay pat passed out under dana's car
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
