____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
