if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
please come you make the beer taste better
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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