I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
