I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
